Felicity - This is My Life - A Series of Flashbacks
by OlicityLove
Summary: He left; he just drove off with no explanation. My own father has abandoned me. Standing alone on a quiet backstreet in Vegas I, Felicity Smoak, feel broken and alone. This moment will change the path of my life. *If you could leave what you like/don't like in the comments it would be greatly appreciated, Thanks! (Semi-Prequel to "Who Is Felicity Smoak?")
1. He's Really Gone

**Arrow**

Felicity Flashback

"He's Really Gone"

His car gets further and further away, the shape being distorted as lines turn to blur. My glasses slide down my nose as I helplessly chase after him. Confusion blinds my mind as I search for a reason. Why is he leaving us? My hair, flapping back and forth as my long locks try to break free from my ponytail. My legs, shaking and numb continue to run, hoping with my entirety that he will turn around and come home to us. Tears stroll down my face as he, and my childhood, disappear into the distance. He is really gone. My father is gone.

The sun has gone down and I can barely see, in part due to the series of flickering street lamps that guide me home and the tears that swell in my eyes. I am almost home, but "What will be waiting?" I ask myself. Without my father, it will quieter… lonelier. "Felicity!" I hear my mother calling from our front steps, "There you are!" She races towards me, I can feel my knees buckling as my skin is greeted with the sensation of concrete forcing its way through.

"Mom," I pushed the words through my already tightened throat, "Why?"

"Honey, I can't tell you that." My eyes peered with curiosity at her response, "Sometimes people do things that we can't explain. Sometimes, we have to make choices that seem wrong." I can feel her arms holding me as a tear drop falls on my forehead. She is trying to stay strong, but I can feel her crumbling. "Felicity," she wiped the tears from my cheeks, "Honey, I'm so sorry but they're expecting me at work any minute." Silence overcame me, for once in a long time I couldn't find any words. "You know what, I can just call in sick."

"No!" The word blurted out of my mouth before I had a chance to think of how it would sound. My mother looked at me with shock at my response. "You can't stay… I mean, you have to go… What i'm trying to say is that I know we need the money."

"Now Felicity," she carried on, attempting with all her will to maintain her composure, "I don't want you worrying about money. I have it handled." I knew as I gazed into her hopeful eyes that she was trying, and failing to convince herself.

"But-"

"Felicity."

"But mom, I can help. With dad gone…" the words stung as they passed through my lips, "You know I can count cards, we can get a bit just to help with the bills."

"Felicity! We have had this conversation before, you know you can get into a lot of trouble counting cards." She can sense my desire to try to win a game or two. Maybe one day, I think to myself. "Besides if you were to ever get caught, I would lose my job at the Casino. They pay cocktail waitresses pretty fairly. You know I can't lose this job, especially not now." I nodded as her eyes pleaded with me to listen. "Besides, you're not nearly old enough to get into a Casino." I looked up at her and could sense that she knew I would be able to find a way in. "I know you want to help, and I appreciate it, I really do. But it is not your responsibility to worry about that kind of stuff." She grabs hold of my hand.

"Mom. Was it my fault?"

"What?"

"Am I the reason he left, did I do something to make him leave?"

"Absolutely not." My mother's voice was firm. "You're-… You're father loves you, he just-" Unable to finish, she bites her lip, as though holding back from telling me something. She glances down at her watch and I notice her pupils dilate.

"It's okay mom, you can go."

"No matter what happens, I love you miss Felicity Smoak, you know that right?"

"Ya mom, I know you do." She smiled back at me, half with love and half with sorrow. "Mom?"

"Yes Fe."

"I love you too."

Alone, I sit on the porch. My eyes lock on the driveway where my father's car used to sit. The flickering of the street lamp comes to a halt as the bulb burns out. The eery sense of emptiness falls upon me. Making my way up the stairs and into the house, I lock the door behind me. I make my way past his brown chair, located directly across from the TV that barely works. I can remember playing with the wires and messing with the remote so the channels changed in a random order. I've always been able to find my way around a TV or computer… I can fix and control them. That is what I like about them, I think to myself. Unlike my life, technology is not unreliable and uncontrollable. I realize in this very moment, I would not be able to fix this, I would not be able to get my dad to come home. I close my eyes as my feet are soothed by the worn-down carpet, I feel a sense of security. Though I know it will not last, once I open my eyes and remember, he will really be gone. I sit down in his chair. My arms stretch across trying to recall his warmth. I come up empty-handed. It hits me. My father really has abandoned me. Tears stroll down my face as I curl up on the chair. "It's okay Felicity." I try to calm myself. "Stop crying." My words don't affect my emotions. I take a few deep breaths and wipe my eyes. "It'll all be okay In 3…2…1."


	2. Accept It

**Arrow **

Felicity Flashback #2

_You can't change you're life. You'll turn out just like you mother, and her mother and so on. You need to accept that you can't do it Felicity. It's impossible. _I have heard enough. Since my father left, people look at me differently. They look at me with pity. Everyone on our street stops talking when my mom and I walk by, they are all talking about my father. They talk about how Mr. Smoak decided to pack up one day and leave town with his assistant. I'm not sure if the second part is true, but I really have no way of knowing. I don't know what kind of person he really is; I thought I did, but I was wrong. The father I thought I knew would never have left his family with no explanation. A good father would have fought for me, or at least said goodbye rather than sneaking out and driving away as I made my way home from school. I wish I hadn't gotten home early that day, then I wouldn't have had to see him abandoning me, I could have imagined an alternative. I thought he was the kind of father who wanted to be here for his daughter's graduation, but since it's tomorrow, I am going to assume that I was wrong about that too.

"It's here!" My mother comes rushing into my room without knocking, exhibiting a huge smile across her face.

"Is that?" Without knowing her response, I knew it was. "Pass it over!" My mother handed me the envelope. It was big.

"Oh Felicity!"

"Mom! Don't get excited, we don't even know what it says yet."

"I can't bear it Fe, open it faster," I hastily work at ripping open the packaging. "Oh my baby girl, what does it say? What does it say?" I manage, after several moments of struggling, to open the letter. As my eyes carefully examine the words, my eyes swell with tears. My mom, noticing the tears falling from my eyes, grabs my hand. "It's okay Felicity, they are making a mistake. You are the smartest, most intelligent young woman I have ever met."

"Mom, stop."

"No, I'm serious Fe-"

"No mom, you don't understand." My eyes glare into hers, "I got in."

"What?"

"Oh my god mom, I got into MIT!" Tears of joy and shock flow down my cheeks and my mother's face lights up.

"AHHHHH Felicity! My baby is going to MIT!" She uncontrollably gets up and starts jumping around the room. I, inevitably join in regardless of the fact I know full well we look crazy.

I could barely sleep that night, _I did it_! I was going to get out of Vegas and start something amazing… maybe one day, I would make a difference.

Only a couple of days left until I head off to Massachusetts to start my freshman year at MIT! My mom saved up enough money for a little clunker of a car, but it is still amazing! She left the keys in my room yesterday morning with a note…

_I've always believed in you Felicity Megan Smoak. It's time you spread your wings and fly off into the world! You can exceed the expectations and limitations that have been placed on you. I am so proud and I know you will continue to become someone incredible!  
-Love, Mom_

Half my room is in boxes already. My mom took the week off to help me pack. As we fill boxes with memories and mementoes, I can see an immense amount of sadness in my mother's eyes. I know she wants the best for me, but I can sense she doesn't want me to leave. "I'm not leaving you mom."

"Don't be silly Fe, there's no way you're not going to MIT."

"No, I mean, I'm not _leaving_… like i'm leaving, but I'm not _leaving_. You know?" Used to my sentence structure habits, she just smiles. "What i'm trying to say is that you're not losing me."

"I could never lose you Felicity, and don't think you can get rid of me that easy." She smiles, I return the gesture. "You'll come back though?"

"Only to visit, hopefully… I mean, I like it here cause you're here, but I don't want this to be my life… I mean, I just want to go experience other things-"

"You don't need to explain Felicity, this isn't the life I imagined having when I was younger either."

"What did you dream about?"

"I wanted to be a teacher. I imagined living in a little white house with a fence and a big yard, maybe even a dog." A little smile stretched across her face as she recalls her childhood dreams. "I am sorry Felicity."

"What are you sorry about?"

"For not giving you a white picket fence or a pet, or a life worth wanting." Her hope slowly converts into sorrow. I grab her hand, holding it In-between both of mine.

"You have nothing to be sorrow about. This may not have been the life you had dreamed about when you were little, but I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"Not even for both a mother and a father?"

"I want parents who love me. That's what you are, and I wouldn't trade you for anything… ever." Her face once more was home to a smile. "I wouldn't be here without you."

"I am so proud Felicity. I am proud of you for not accepting the life that seemed inevitable."

"Why you didn't become a teacher?"

"Well, you know that my parents, you're grandparents, died in a car crash when I was, well, about your age. They didn't have life insurance or much savings, so I had to work. Luckily my mom's employer was willing to give me a job at the Casino. I guess I just never left." Suddenly, a realization hits and I am over powered by a sense of guilt. I never even thought of the finances. _How is my mom paying for my tuition? _After I got my acceptance letter, she told me she had it taken care of so I put it out of my head.

"I'm sorry mom."

"Don't be sorry! If I hadn't stayed here, I never would have met your father, and I never would have had you."

"How can you talk about him still?" I confusingly confronted my mother, "He abandoned us, yet you still bring him up."

"I know it is difficult to understand, but in order to, you'd have to know your father and the man that he really is. I don't know why he left, but I have to trust that it was for the best." I still don't get how she can say that. _For the best_. He left, the way it hurt when he left was the worst pain I've ever felt. I promised myself the night he left as I sat in his brown chair, that I would never let myself feel that way again.

"How are you paying for my tuition?"

"What?" My mother responds as though she didn't hear, although we both know she had.

"Felicity I told you, I'd get it sorted out and I did."

"But how? I'm not trying to nag, but I need to know."

"You're not going to let this go are you?"

"No."

"Someone left it."

"Left what?"

"The money." Shock ran up my spine as my mind raced in surprise at her response.

"What? Who?"

"I don't know who it was, the night you got the letter there was an envelope on the porch addressed to 'The Smoaks' so I opened it.

"And…" I anticipate her response with intense desperation.

"And there was note that stated …

To make up for past circumstances, enclosed is the full tuition plus residency and other costs for a Computer Sciences Degree offered by MIT. "

_"_And you never thought to mention this to me?" Slight anger peers through my voice.

"Well no. I didn't want to burden you with it." Her eyes genuine and words seemingly honest, "I assumed it was your father at first, and I didn't want you to get upset. I especially didn't want you to decline the money because you thought it was his."

"You're right, I don't want the money if it is his! He left us mom, he doesn't get to play _Dad_ anymore."

"I wasn't, and I'm still not going to let you throw away this opportunity. Felicity, YOU deserve this, YOU earned it and you will go and do something incredible with your life." Her whole body tensed with the desperation that I was listening… really listening. "You are going to make a difference, maybe even be someone's hero Felicity."

"Mom, I'm going into Computer Sciences, i'm pretty sure there's not Superhero 101 in the curriculum."

"Never let anything stop you Fe." We exchanged smiles, "Maybe one day you'll even work for a big company that makes it on the news or something?" I let out a light burst of laughter.

"Maybe." I giggle as we pack up the remainder of my childhood bedroom.


	3. Queen Consolidated

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Arrow, or any of the affiliated characters

**Arrow**

Felicity Flashback #3

"Queen Consolidated"

It's gradation day again; only this time is different. My last graduation was from a small high school in Vegas, but I knew it wasn't the end of my academic career. This time however, I am about the enter the real world. Whoa, how incredible is this! It's been four years since I started at MIT and my future is unknown!

"Felicity!" My roommate, Emily calls from the hallway. "It's time!"

"I'm coming!"

"Do you even have your gown on yet?" She lets out with a giggle.

"Yes Ems, I do!"

"Don't forget your speech!"

"I'm thinking I'll just wing it," As I say the words, Emily pops her head in the door with a shocked expression plastered all over her face. "I'm kidding!"

"Thank god," She let out with a laugh, "You tend to babble a little…"

"I know, I know."

"I like you're hair by the way! The blonde really suits you!"

"Thanks!" I respond with a smile, pleased with the compliment, "Okay, let's go! I can't be late for my own Valedictorian Speech!"

—

"Every moment of our lives has led up to this moment. From our first day at MIT to the last exam in our final year. Whatever mistakes we have made before cannot be changed nor taken back, their purpose is to remind us and guide us in the choices we still have to make -" My eyes wonder around as I continue with my speech, I can see my mother sitting in the audience with teary eyes. I see Emily in the audience giving me a thumbs up, she's probably proud that I haven't wondered off topic yet! Suddenly, I see a man standing behind the rows of onlookers. His face is hidden by a cap, yet there is a sense of familiarity about him. I know that man, I think to myself. Once again, my mouth speeds in front of my mind. Without warning, my speech comes rearing to halt. "Dad?" My voice cracks as I stand in front of hundreds. Trying to clear my thoughts, I look back to the paper on the stand; I am lost and cannot recall where I left off. I look once more towards the spot where the man who so simply reminded me of my father was standing, but he is gone. Now, I am left with merely my scattered thoughts and hundreds of faces waiting for me to continue. In the crowd, my mom's face looks petrified, she too is searching the crowd for the man I was so convinced I had seen, but there is no trace of him. Struggling to figure out hat to say next, I spend several minutes figuring out a game plan; I have never been good at improvising.

—

Petrified and embarrassed after the horrible recovery to my speech, I make my way back to the dorms.

"Felicity!" The familiar voice greets my ears as I figure out what I am going to say to her. "Honey, what happened?"

"I thought I saw him mom, I thought I saw dad." I brace myself for her response. Her eyes swell with sorrow.

"I'm so sorry. I know you want him to be here."

"What? No I don't." She doesn't buy the lie that flows from my lips. "Okay, well maybe. It's just everyone else has their parents here. I still don't understand why he left. I want to hate him, I really do."

"Fe, you'll never be able to hate him, he's your father."

"I'm going to find him mom." Suddenly her face becomes tense, as though she is utterly fearful. "I'm going to find him, there's no way that he has erased all his tracks." My mother continues to look at me with wide, terror filled eyes. "I will find him."

"No." Her response sent a shiver down my spine.

"What?!"

"Don't Felicity, I am begging you." Unable to decipher whether she is acting selfishly or for my best interests, my eyes glare into hers.

"He's my father, I need to know why he left and I'm going to ask him."

"Felicity, I am not kidding, do not get involved."

"Involved in what?" She fell silent. I know she wants to tell me, but something is holding her back. My patience runs out, "Involved in what?!" My mother lets out a sigh of relief as my phone rings, setting her momentarily free from having to answer my question.

_"__Miss Felicity Smoak?"_

"Yes, this is she." I respond with curiosity as to who is on the other line.

_"__This is the hiring department at Queen Consolidated. I am calling on behalf of Walter Steele." _

"Uhumm, okay." I had no idea what to say. There isn't a single person who doesn't recognize the name Queen Consolidated, but why would they be calling _me_? I can remember in the second year of my Computer Sciences Degree, it was all over the news that CEO Robert Queen and his son, Oliver I think his name was, went missing at sea.

_"__My understanding is that you recently graduated from MIT, is that correct?"_

"Yes, I just did. And by just, I mean several minutes ago. But yes, I have." I cleared my throat, realizing I was beginning to babble. "Sorry, yes that is correct."

_"__Okay Ms. Smoak, well I am calling today to offer you a position in our IT Department starting immediately."_

"Excuse me? Not in a bad way; In a good way! I mean yes! I would love to work for Queen Consolidated." I look at my mother, who seems pleased the subject has changed. "Yes, I will see you next week, thank you." I hang up the phone and turn towards my mother.

"Who was that?" She asks curiously.

"Queen Consolidated." The words seem strange, yet familiar on my mouth. "They offered me a job." Excitement riddles my thoughts as Emily makes her way towards us.

"Why do you look so exasperated? Is that kid from freshman year stalking you again?" My moms eye's shoot in my direction. Giving her a calming look, I try to avoid a conversation involving the lacrosse player.

"It was nothing mom, right Em?"

"Right… sorry Ms. Smoak, didn't mean to worry you." She said as she gave me an apologetic smile.

"I got a job."

"Already?" Emily asks with pure excitement protruding from her eyes.

"Ya, they just called!"

"Felicity, you're so lucky, You get a job a minute out of graduation! What company?"

"Queen Consolidated."

"Like the QC in Starling City?"

"Yes, that's the one."

"Felicity, that's so far away! I'm going to miss you girl! Why does that name sound so familiar?" Before letting me answer, she continued on, "OH that's the one whose CEO died right?" She took a step back, realizing it may have come off a little insensitive.

"Ya, that's how I recognized them too."

"It's a shame isn't it?" She asked, "That his son and his girlfriend's sister were on the boat too."

"Wait, I thought it was his girlfriend with him?" I responded with genuine curiosity as to why the girl's sister would have been on board.

"No, he was dating Laurel Lance, a detective in Sterling City's daughter, but Sarah Lance was the one on the boat."

"Oh." I replied, getting a pretty good understanding of the _complex_ situation. "How do you even remember that? It was two years ago!"

"I have a perfect memory Felicity, you know that."

"You say that, but you always loose your phone!"

"I guess it's good you were always here to remotely track it down for me! Anyways, It was nice seeing you again Ms. Smoak and I will see you later Felicity, I'm off to lunch with my parents." Emily left and it was once more an awkward silence between my mother and I.

"I can't let you look for him Felicity. It's too dangerous." Before I had a chance to argue, we were interrupted by the Dean. He had come to _compliment _me on my speech.


	4. Returned

**Arrow**

Felicity Flashback

"Returned"

"Felicity? Felicity! Have you heard?" A voice makes its way across the IT room. Kayla is standing in the doorway as her eyes project excitement.

"What are you so excited about?" I ask as I look up from the codes on my computer screen.

"The news! Haven't you been watching?"

"No? Why would I? I am busy." As the words leave my mouth, she moves towards me. I can tell she is anxious to share something. She takes hold of my keyboard and fiddles around for a while, before asking me how to open a new tab. "Do you want the news?" I ask, saving her from the immense embarrassment of not having a clue about the new QC software.

"Yes. Live though."

"Okay." As I open the live stream, her excitement passes onto me. I have no idea what i'm about to see, but it seems that all of QC is talking about it.

**Breaking News: Billionaire's Son Found Alive! **

"Wait…" My mind blanks as I look up at Kayla, who is hovering above me, "are they talking about?" Before I had a change to finish, she cut me off.

"Yup! Bachelor Oliver Queen is alive!"

"But how?"

"I have no idea, they said they found him on an island or something." She stood up and fixed her perfectly curled brown hair. "All I know is that he was alone on that island… and you know what that means!"

"No, I don't." With confusion plastered on my face, I continue, "what does that mean?"

"It means he hasn't been around a proper woman, well any woman, for five years."

"Okay…" Not sure where she is heading with this.

"That means that Oliver Queen is looking for someone! I COULD BE THAT SOMEONE!" Suddenly, her excitement made sense.

"Kayla, are you sure you want to go there?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her entire body language transformed from ecstatic to offended in mere seconds.

"It's just… Oliver Queen is known for being a player, that's all."

"Are you trying to keep him all to yourself?" I wanted to laugh at the idea, the heir to Queen Consolidated having any interest in the IT girl… that is never going to happen. However, I was worried that she would take it the wrong way, so I tried to save myself. "He's not boyfriend material Kayla, you know that from everything we've heard about him. He's just not for you. Not that he's for me or anything." _Why did I just say that, now she's going to think I want him to be for me! _Her eyes widened with betrayal. "3…2…1…" I whispered to myself. "All I'm saying is that I don't want you to get hurt."

"Well, there's no need to worry. I am fully capable of taking care of myself!"

"May I ask why your interested in him? Purely for curiosity…" My ears wait to be greeted with an explanation for why someone would intentionally want to date a player.

"Well…" I could see her imagining her entire life on her head, "If I date him, then we will fall in love! Eventually he will ask me to marry him and I will say yes!" The way she was talking, made me believe (even if only for a second) that it was possible. "He's a billionaire so I will never have to work another day in my life!" I couldn't help but stare blankly at her. It was that, or laugh uncontrollably… I went with my poker face, figuring it would upset her the least.

"Okay, well good luck with that!" A tidbit of sarcasm lined my words.

"You know what Felicity?" Her tone taking a turn for the worst, "In a year when i'm Ollie's fiancé and you're just some IT girl, i'm sure you'll be regretting being so mean to me."

"Ollie?" I ask as my head uncontrollably tilts to the left, "Have you even met him?"

"Well… no. But he's bound to come back to QC and then I will meet him. I am the assistant to the head of the hiring department after all!" My eyebrows furrowed in confusion to how that was relevant. "Oh! Maybe, if he becomes CEO once Mr. Steele retires, than he will hire me to be his assistant! Then we can fall in love!" Her words became blurred after she waltzed into the hallway with high hopes of her future. My eyes stayed plastered open and staring where the misguided girl was standing moments earlier. My mouth slowly formed into a smile as I looked down and continued my work. _That girl is crazy. _

* * *

The next day, everyone was still buzzing about Oliver's return from the dead. I however, had work to get done. Unlike Kayla, and practically every girl in Starling City, I wasn't about to drop everything. As I finished up my paperwork, I looked around the IT room. _No one is here_. I knew it was unlikely that anyone would come in here today, unless they needed help getting their computers to get the live stream news on. I decided this was my only chance… I carefully surveyed the room for onlookers before I began typing.

C-A-M-E-R-O-N_ S-M-O-A-K_

133,000 results.

C-A-M-E-R-O-N S_-M-O-A-K, L-A-S V-E-G-A-S_

364,000 results.

Knowing I would never find him this way, I pull out a picture of my father and I from when I was around 3 years old. It's the only one I managed to save after he left and my mother burned all the photos with him in them. I scanned the photo and isolated his face. Within minutes I had a facial recognition program running. Since I have no idea where he is, or has been for the last decade of my life, I compare with all international agencies… being sure to cover my tracks so that QC isn't openly associated with hacking. _The software is just so much faster here than on my computers at home. _I sit back in my chair as I let the program run on one screen. Knowing it will take forever for the system to find a match, my eyes slide over to the other screen where the live news feed from yesterday was still open, I stare at the caption.

**Billionare's Son Found Alive: Robert Queen Confirmed Dead**.

_I feel bad for Mrs. Queen and her daughter Thea. Most of all for Oliver, who probably spent hours calling out for his father after the Queen's Gambit went down. _I knew in that moment, that he must have come back a different person… anyone who has spent years alone and deserted from the world is bound to return a transformed person. I just wonder what kind of person he has become…


	5. Mysteries

**Disclaimer: As usual, I do not own Arrow or any of the characters.**

**Arrow**

"Mysteries"

_ No results._ I have searched every possible database and nothing. There is no trace of my father; not a single database has information on Cameron Smoak. _This' is very strange, every single person on the planet is somewhere on the internet… whether through birth certificates, traffic tickets or online applications._ Yet there is nothing. "How?" I whisper to myself as I stare at the computer screen.

My thoughts are interrupted as my phone vibrates next to the keyboard. Quickly grabbing it, ensuring I do not draw too much attention towards myself, I quietly answer. "Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"Who is-" I recognize the voice; I immediately know who is on the other line. Realizing I must have lost track of time, I look at my watch for verification, "Oh no! I'm so sorry! I'm on my way!"

After erasing my computer history and signing out of the QC database, I grab my purse and head for the door.

* * *

As I make my way inside the coffee shop, I scan faces, looking for my mother. _I haven't seen her in forever_. My eyes catch a glimpse of bright blonde hair. _That's her_. I debate turning around and walking out the door… never wanting to looking back, not until she tells me the truth.

"Felicity!" The woman says as she turns around and spots me. Her hands motion for me to come sit down. I oblige.

"Hi, mom."

"Hello Felicity! How are you?" Her voice is higher than I remember it being. "How is Queen Consolidated?"

"It's fine mom. What did you come here to talk about?"

"Geez Fe, I took time off work at the casino and came all the way up here from Vegas and that's all you have to say to me?"

My frustration reaches a boiling point as the words escape her mouth. "The last time I came to Vegas to see you, you threw me out." The memory floods into my mind, causing my throat to close. I swallow, forcing myself to finish my thoughts, "all because I kept bringing **him **up."

"Don't get started on that Felicity. I'm not interested." Her head wobbles slightly from side to side as she picks up her water bottle and takes a gulp. The bottle slips through her grasp and she gasps as it spills all over the wooden table. Instinctively I grab a napkin and begin to wipe up the liquid. She grabs my wrist, "I've got it. Don't you worry."

"It's no problem mom, I can do it."

"Stop!"

Her response sends shivers down my spine. "Mom?" I can see her hands shaking ever so slightly. I grab the water bottle and swiftly bring it up towards my nose._ It's not water. "_What are you doing? It's ten in the morning!"

"You don't understand Felicity."

"You're right I don't understand! Because you don't tell me anything."

"I'm protecting you Felicity, that's all that's important."

"No it's not, your health is important too. And drinking all day… everyday, is **not **good."

"I'm fine Felicity."

I don't know what to say to her. I want to get upset, but I know she is in pain.

"What's going on?" I ask with genuine concern. "Is it about dad?" Without receiving an answer, I know it is because of him. She started drinking after I graduated from MIT. Although periodic, every time he's brought up… it starts up again. Memories of my father fill my mind as I try to help my mother…

_"Felicity! Wake up Felicity!"_

_ My eyes slowly open as I see a man standing above me. "Morning dad!"_

_ "Morning Felicity! How's my birthday girl?"_

_ "Good! Where's mom?"_

_ "Right here!" I hear my mother's voice as she comes into my room holding a tray of pancakes and syrup._

_ "Mmm! Is that for me?" I ask as I look towards the steaming plate of delicious food._

_ "Yup!" My dad says, "all for my precious girl!" _

_ My mom sets the tray down on my lap. As I devour the pancakes, I look up and see my parents. This is going to be the best birthday I've ever had. _

_ Once I finish breakfast, I lean in and give my mom and dad a hug. "Thanks."_

_ "We love you." My mom says as she gazes into my eyes and grabs a hold of my father's hand. _

_ "I love you guys too."_

_ "We have something for you." My dad says as he leaves the room, presumably to get the gift. _

_ Excitement riddles my body, "What is it? What is it?" I ask, ecstatic with the thought of getting a present._

_ "It's not much," he says as he carries in a big box, that hadn't been wrapped. _

_ Looking at the box, I feel an immense amount of joy overcome my entire body. We don't have a lot of money so it isn't typical to get a gift, regardless of the time of year._

_ As he lays the present down on my bed, I look up at my parents, "Can I open it now?"_

_ "Yes silly!" My mom says with a smile plastered on her face._

_ "Can we do it together?" I invite my parents to join in on the excitement._

_ "Of course, whatever you want Felicity, today is your day." My father kisses me on the forehead and places a hand on the gift. "Ready?" He asks._

_ "Yup," My mother says, "how about you Felicity?"_

_ "Yes!" I exclaim with pure excitement._

_ "Okay!" My father proceeds, "3…2…1…" All together we pull at the cardboard. I peer into the box and see a jumble of wires and what appears to be circuit boards. I look up at my parents._

_ "Do you like it?" My mom asks._

_ Not trying to be mean, I smile. "Uhmm. Ya."_

_ "Do you know what it is?" My father questions, noticing the disappointed expression on my face._

_ I smile and let out a giggle. "No, not really."_

_ My parents look at each other then my father begins speaking. "Felicity, it's a computer."_

_ "A computer?"_

_ "Yup! A complete computer system taken fully apart!" My father states with pride. _

_ "We were tired of you taking apart the remote to the TV so we found you this." My mother grabs my hand as she sees a huge smile forming on my face. _

_ "You get to put it back together again." _

_ I was speechless in that moment. I couldn't believe they actually got me a computer! And even better, it's completely taken apart and separated into hundreds of pieces!_

_ As my parents cleaned up the breakfast dishes, I stayed in my room working away at the computer. Suddenly I heard the sound of a glass breaking come from the kitchen. I stand up and make my way to the door, investigating the noise. Opening the door to my room, an array of sounds made their way into my ears. Before I could make it to the kitchen, I heard my parents arguing. I can barely make out what they're saying, so I step out of my room inching towards the kitchen. _

_ "What are you talking about?" My mothers voice causes shivers to jump around in my spine._

_ "I have to, I don't have a choice."_

_ "Come on Cameron, yes you do!" _

_ "No, I don't." My father took several deep breathes, "you know that."_

_ "Felicity?" My mother caught my eye as she sees me standing nervously against the wall. _

_ "Hey buddy." I could see the fake smile on my father's face as he comes towards me. "It's almost time for school, you should stop working on the computer and get ready."_

_ "Do I have to go to school today? It's my birthday!" I urged, hoping I could stay home with them._

_ "We know it's your birthday Fe." She looks at me and smiles. "We'll be waiting for you when you get home."_

_ "Promise?" I ask, looking into their eyes. _

_ "Ya." As the word pours from my fathers mouth, his eyes are telling me a different story. But I believe him anyway._

_Why did I believe him? _Tears swell in my eyes as I recall the day he left us. My mind refocusses on my mother, I force the memory aside. I get her a water from the barista and watch her intently as she slowly drinks it.

"I'm sorry Felicity." She is speaking genuinely, but I know it doesn't change anything.

"Can I ask you something?" She just stares at me, knowing what, rather whom I am about to bring up. "What happened that day?"

"Which day?" She replies as she continues to drink the water I got her.

"The day dad left."

"I'm not sure what you mean." I could sense her lie as much as she knew I wasn't going to leave without an answer. "He… he just." She paused for several seconds before continuing. "He had to go."

"Why?"

"It was time."

Anger combined with sadness as I raised my voice. "Time? It was my birthday! We were eating pancakes and you guys got me the computer! It was all okay, then I get home from school early and see him packing up his car and driving away!" At this point, my voice had caught the attention of the people sitting around us. As my mother looks around trying to get my to speak quieter, I feel tears flowing down my face.

"Felicity."

"Mom please!" My words combine with sobs, "I have been trying, really trying for years to figure it out! And I can't do it! I need to figure it out!"

"It's a mystery."

"It's not! You know it's not!"

"Felicity, It's a mystery." I can sense that she is not going to tell me… ever. No matter how much I ask, she won't tell me.

"Mysteries are meant to be solved." I stand up and grab my purse. "Take care of yourself." I give my mother a small smile and make my way back to Queen Consolidated._ I am done. _Walking through the streets of Starling City, I inhale deeply. _I am content_. Looking around, I see tall buildings and people walking in every direction. This is my life now. A genuine smile forms at the ends of my lip.

I step into the elevator at QC, the soft sound of elevator music in my ears elevates my mood as I stare at the empty elevator around me. He left me, If he wants to find me, he knows where to look. I've been hurt too much by my father to spend the rest of my life looking for someone who obviously doesn't want to be found_._ Just as the elevator doors are about to close, a man's hand slips in and causes the doors to open. I move towards the back left corner as he enters and stands in the centre of the elevator. My eyes slowly move up his exquisite figure. _He has so many muscles! _Even through his suit, I can tell he works eyes reach his head and my heart skips a beat, I cannot believe my eyes… It's Oliver Queen. He's standing tall and stiff, he clearly didn't see me when he stepped into the elevator. It's been a week or two since he was found on the island. _Why is he back to work so soon? _I catch myself staring at him. I try to pull my eyes away, but cannot seem to concentrate on anything other than the man standing in front of me. _Felicity Smoak. Fe-li-ci-ty. Smoak. _I practice introducing myself in my head, knowing it could be bad if I don't have a game plan and I start babbling. I take a deep breath, I am moments away from meeting the famous Oliver Queen. I open my mouth but before the words come out, the elevator doors open and he steps out. I press my lips together and look down as the doors close. _That was my chance._ I would have liked to meet him. Reality sets in as I realize that I am still in the elevator, having forgotten to press the floor number. As I walk over to where he was standing moments earlier I think back to Kayla's fantasy about meeting and sharing a life with Oliver Queen. A laugh escapes my mouth as I click the button and it lights up. _What am I talking about? I'm just the I.T. girl, it's not like i'll ever actually meet Oliver Queen._

**A/N : I hoped you like the chapter! I am debating whether or not to continue… On one hand, I would like to keep this story consistent with the show, which means I would leave the rest of the story up to the CW and Arrow writers. On the OTHER hand, I don't want to leave you guys hanging! I could always do a flashback in the perspective of someone else (like Felicity's mom or dad). Anyways, let me know in the comments what you'd prefer! Thanks again for reading and commenting!**


	6. Thank You to Everyone

Thank you to everyone who followed/favourited/reviewed for this story!

As you may have noticed, Felicity's flashbacks are now caught up to her time at QC. A guest who reviewed to this story had the genius idea of connecting it to my other fan fiction, "Arrow - Who Is Felicity Smoak?" For those of you who would like to see the continuing of this storyline, I would highly recommend reading my other Arrow FanFic (information about Felicity's father is revealed!).

Thank you again for everyone who stood by this story and enjoyed all of the Flashbacks!


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